Recently, a new therapist enlightened me on the fact – oooh, drumroll, newsflash! – that much of human connection hinges on feeling resonance. We didn’t go into detail as to the specifics of what this very ambigious, poorly defined term that is very much en vogue in New Age circles actually means. But I’d like to state that I’ve heard it before – resonance, I mean – and so played along with that concept while displaying what I thought to come out as an understanding face.
Resonance. Let me try to define it according to what I’ve gathered so far: You feel in resonance with other people when the nature of mutual experiences and their emotional outcomes in each of the conversants match. No? I look forward to your comments corroborating or arguing the idea. But for now, let’s just employ this concept as a working idea, shall we?
OK. Experiences plus emotional outcome(s). Let’s break that down for a sec: Experiences. Let’s be easy and say: Common experiences. Experiences “everyone” goes through at some point in their lives. You with me? Let’s try and find one: How about – school? Ah! Yeah. Most people – in the western world at least – have attended school, right? No? Beginning to see my point? Maybe no. Then …. how can you resonate with anyone who’s been attending school as if it was a given?
Next: Emotional outcome. Aha! Now, there’s some common ground, right? As we all experience emotional states. And those tend to run a sort of predefined gamut. No? Ha! Again: See my point?
Resonance, my fucking ass. As a trauma survivor you’ll be hard pressed to find any-effin’-single-one person who even has the beginning of an idea as to what that trauma actually encompasses, let alone feels like. However – somehow having survived the agony that trauma leaves behind is the first “off-the-mark” phenomenon many of us were forced to learn to navigate in order to…. well, yes: Survive. Sometimes very verbatim as in: Physically. Sometimes “only” emotionally (quotes because science e.g. know of the “broken heart syndrome”. Not a syndrome at all, but a real physical response to what goes on in your life). My point: YOU CAN’T RESONATE WITH THE BULK OF MAINSTREAM as their lives have ZERO semblance with ours!
I’m taking liberty to place the concept of resonance with where the rest of unfruitful concepts already reside, the latter of which so many – well meaning, though, gotta give ’em that – “experts” tried to shove down my throat. (I have a very… nasty … idea as to what enacting the reverse of that concept might entail…. 3:) )
P.S. Very much politically-incorrect encore (and fun): I’ll gladly – no sarcasm, intended, I mean it – listen to a – say – Holocaust survivor and their take on feeling resonance. Maybe I should do that exact thing: Find me a still living Holocaust survivor and listen to them as to how they managed to overcome their experiences. In my book, noone can be an expert on anything unless… they lived their field of expertise in their own flesh and blood. The rest? Imposters. With a state-approved paper in their pocket. Con-artists, actually.