It’s interesting, this journaling thingy: It kind of acts as a second memory that periodically sends out reminders. Today I revisited a conversation from earlier this year that turned into a real and very meaningful, productive face-to-face conversation later. Amazing!
And the other interesting thing: The “second memory” always helps with the reality check as to whether an insight is new or not. In this case: No. I had arrived at it some two years ago (actually, I not so much arrived at it but realized its significance on behalf of my recovery process; the idea as such was previously elaborated on by the late Alice Miller and her books and research and publishing legacy). But the real heart stopper that happened today was this: I actually heard it verbatim from a fellow traveller, who had had the same insight in his own journey and agreed with me on this one.
So, in revisiting this particular epiphany, I might paraphrase and augment the title and conclude: The first step towards healing is to have a real person validate your pain. It seems important that this be a real person, someone you trust and confide in and it seems to have a very different impact on your recovery to actually speak the words and express your feelings and have someone acknowledge those (apparently, doing this by yourself and alone doesn’t do the trick…I’ve tried and now I know that I haven’t been the only one who followed this path of “resolving things on your own” and it never really worked for them either). To me, it appears as if this was the first and crucial step towards empowering yourself and emancipating yourself from the cast role as “victim” in that you name names, put the blame where it belongs and call those out who hurt you – and if necessary with a vengeance so! (Anger can be very positive and liberating, I find)
Thanks, friend (you know who you are).
(P.S. On a different note: I’m now also becoming more and more aware as to why it is that I maintain this blog. It’s about “being seen”, which ties into what I wrote above, however, where the significance of this “being seen” is probably specific to my personal journey – or not, you decide)
(P.P.S.: I’ve taken a very long and hard look at this phenomenon of “forgiveness” as well. Sorry to say, but I think most of what you read and hear about it is New Age-ish or otherwise religion-/ideology-flavored bullshit. IMO, you are not in a place of forgiving another person for whatever they’ve done wrong to you if that person will never allow you at eye’s level with them. In other words: You need them to acknowledge their part in all of it and take responsibility for what they did prior to getting to forgive and requiring for them – as in: the perpetrator(s) – to say something to the effect of “I’m sorry”… So for me, forgiveness seems counterproductive to the process of finding your true authentic [emotional] identity and more importantly, your boundaries… Sorry…)