Huachuma (San Pedro Cactus) — Healing The Spirit And Body –

via Huachuma (San Pedro Cactus) — Healing The Spirit And Body –

It is becoming very evident to me that I have to undergo these sacred treatments using plant medicine, if I want to rid myself of yet-remaining, residual aspects of early and later trauma in my years of childhood and upbringing and with their outcomes wreaking havoc on my psyche – and hence life – to this day. I can almost put my own – cognitive – “fingers” on the places, where I’m still damaged and hurt – but can’t seem to get past those remainders all by myself. I had catalyzing experiences that came close to getting access to those very deeply rooted layers of inflicted pain and resulting damage, but I haven’t managed to resolve them – probably mostly for reasons of not having had an opportunity to integrate the experiences afterwards. By integrating I mean, talking it over with someone who carefully listens and takes an interest in seeing me process my emotions brought to the surface. Since I can’t have access to conventional trauma therapy, it seems the above – along with hopefully getting accepted into a phase III-study on MDMA-assisted psychotherapy in late 2016/2017 – is my only option left. Wish me luck, if so inclined. (I know, I have written about this and said this before… 😉 )


5 thoughts on “Huachuma (San Pedro Cactus) — Healing The Spirit And Body –

  1. I’ve been thinking about a LOT of stuff today Wes – about our lives, their state of seeming damage/chaos. Half of me seems to be in panic attack mode because I don’t think I’m making progress and the other half is like – hey y’all, Rex’s BACK! I’m ready to really start enjoying my life. Letting out my “reluctant artist” personality is a good step and I have a good start.
    You know what’s gonna happen? You are going to walk/live right into the solution that is most beneficial solution and I too am going to walk into the one that’s going to be beneficial for my life. We ARE going to do this!

    • I hear you. As for myself: The chaos now comes from outside. I’ve been experiencing institutional violence, reprimand, shunning and oppression for my condition over the past years. It’s gone WAY beyond personal and I find myself being a political issue all of a sudden. And not on the winning side of things so far. The way the system treats people like me doesn’t foster healing. Much less so, as most people don’t even have a clue about PTSD to begin with. (And if so, then “only” from raped women, but will forget about that the second they hear it as I’ve never seen anyone ever making an effort of even trying to imagine what it might be like for them ). All of a sudden, my past, the damage incurred, my perpetrators – they all seem to be the SMALLER problem to deal with. Institutional violence and randomness is what I’m up against, have been up against since 2008. It’s beyond insane. You can’t even begin to make sense of it all. I often find myself thinking “This is what Nazi Deutschland must have felt like to Jews” or “This is what America must feel like to Black people.” ….

      • “The reluctant artist” – I had flattered myself into thinking I could go back into music. I’ve tried. Not much support there to put it mildly. The downside of “pretending normal” as best as you can: You find yourself in all the bullshit drama most people occupy themselves with. Then I’ve tried to find compassion at large. Bad idea. Baaaad idea! Now I’m gravitating back towards being in denial and acting as if nothing had happened. Seems to have worked way better and left me with a “can do” feeling. Not sure, if I’ll be given opportunities, but for the life of me: I got no other choice! None!

  2. Whoa, I had no idea what you have been dealing with recently to this degree. It does sound like how the Nazi’s treated Jews and it’s certainly how the majority of blacks are treated here on our soil. That crap wouldn’t happen if you were over here but I’d be hard pressed to recomment America as a final resting place. It’s probably like so many other countries…play by the rules and life will be okay. Hmmmm

    • I must reiterate: I hear you. The thing is: I’ll be damned, if I hadn’t done every single thing to live by the rules as far as I remember. Kicked myself in the butt over and over, didn’t allow bouts of depression to define me or rule my days – without medication, I might add -, had a career, played by the rules set forth there… the list goes on. At some primordial level people seem to sense that something’s “a bit off” with me and that’s the exact part of my system I got no control over (and can’t, aren’t even supposed to as my research into neuroscience and how the brain works yielded). People keep saying life was unfair. But it takes on a whole new level when it is because of something you neither chose nor have much control over (whatever control I can take, I have been and keep doing; but it’s apparently not enough).

      I have now sort of established a way of going about life that you might call “comfortably giving up”. I keep trying to make a “comeback”, but unless society has changed and the perceptions of so-called “mental” illness – I find the very term a degradation per se! – I won’t be given much of a chance. This is what I’ve been experiencing for the past 8 years. Not a pretty story. Actually…. minus the war part… somewhat reminiscent of what you hear from many returning vets. Once the hoopla with medals and honors is over, many of them get kicked to the curb. I guess, you’re no stranger to some of that… (not meaning to rub it in, though…). I’m angry, very angry to be quite honest.

      P.S. In my younger years, I had soo wished to get a chance of at least living and working in the U.S. for a couple of years. But that was before 9/11. After that it became a different country altogether. I guess, we can – largely – agree on that, can we? But I still see a lot of things that work much better over there than they do over here. Legislation and bureaucracy carrying out is simply insane, insane! And it doesn’t make any sense at all, i.e. doesn’t really put the citizen first. (Guess, that’s a lame things to say, after all…)

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