Isn’t it Ironic…

…. that every life partner I’ve ever had so far ran for the hills when I’d allow them a glimpse into the abyss of my past experiences? For mere self-protection they had to run away from me. All of them. All 15 of them. (one night stands, of which there hardly were any, not taken into account)

It’s going to take an “Incredible Hulk” of a healer to help me process and release the bottled-up pain from my system. One of us might die in the process from shere physical overload.

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4 thoughts on “Isn’t it Ironic…

  1. I’ve worked for 5 years on mine and am finally seeing a pinpoint of light in the darkness. My therapist, Susan M. is the most loving, compassionate, understanding, caring, motivating, encouraging person I know – (next to my BFF Billy K) and she has drawn out most of the poison of my prior tortures/torments/agony/fear/helplessness. I remember NAMES and I wrote letters of forgiveness to all my monsters and I’m keeping them for 1 month, reading them every day. I can’t believe how liberating this has been. Just like the first 3 blogs on my wordpress.com page. You’re the only one who responded and I know that’s not what is important. What is important is that I put it in writing as part of my therapy. To share with others, as you shared with us. In a sense it is paying it forward. If my story has any impact on just 1 person, it’s worth it and I don’t even have to know about it. It was EXTREMELY worth it to read your story and to have been sharing what we have since we became Facebook Friends. I feel now there is an even deeper connection – a positive one for me. My partner of 41+ years DID NOT WANT TO HEAR A WORD about my PTSD and the events perpetrated upon my person that brought it all about. So I can relate to people running for the hills when you’re upfront about it. Even when I got home from Viet Nam, not any of the people in my life mentioned one word to me. 40 some odd years later, I blush from all of the “Thank You For Your Service” comments I get from people. What took everyone so long? Your Facebook Friend, Rex Bishop

    • Well said, Rex, although I wasn’t all that aware that sharing this might be a way of paying it forward. Thanks for bringing this aspect to my attention! 🙂 I’m glad for you that you have a good therapist to work with! In the past years ever since I consciously learnt of my C-PTSD, I have had only very limited help from specifically trained people (although I did have a lot of help from one incredibly understanding and compassionate doctor, who may not be specialized in treating C-PTSD, but has done a lot of good still). For me, finding help is more like seeing what breadcrumbs fall by the wayside as my particular situation won’t allow for me to “simply” find a specialized therapist and book sessions with them, as my health insurance policy won’t pay for any outpatient psychotherapy treatment. (I don’t think, that labelling it as psychotherapy is accurate, I have to come to think of the outcomes as being much closer to something like Parkinson’s or Epilepsie than a “mental health issue” or similar. It affects the autonomous nervous system, which we don’t control with our minds, so I think likening the outcomes of [C-]PTSD to a neurological disorder isn’t all that off the mark, isn’t it? Nonetheless… I have to take what I can get and get by with it. But I’ve exhausted my self-help options and other options, so I’m thinking about taking chances with an indigenous healer and Ayahuasca – in time, when I’ve mustered the courage. I’d much rather become a candidate in a phase III study conducted and funded by MAPS.org – I’m on a waiting list for Boulder, CO in late 2016/2017…. keep two fingers crossed for me, if so inclined, o.k.? 🙂 )

      • I will cross fingers, toes and eyes for you on your endeavor. If things went well, Boulder might turn out a huge benefit. I only have experience with snow skiing there when in High School and one summer vacation trip after church summer camp I went to.

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