This isn’t what I had in mind. | …. always further ….

Two days ago, Tom commented on one of my recent blog entries and thus appeared on my blog for the first time. He brought a personal experience with MDMA to my attention, which he blogs about on his site.:_This isn’t what I had in mind. | …. always further …..

Since then, I’ve familiarized myself with a few of his – exquisitely worded, if I might say – blog entries and his story that spawned them. While Tom’s journey is – probably… – based on early life events different from mine – I can’t be sure, as I’m beginning to suspect a hidden piece of the puzzle no one may have ever talked about… -, I see a lot of similarities and even some synchronicity at play in regards to the outcomes and our individual way of first coping, then healing. And that healing requires an effort – a brave and massive one as Tom’s story confirms to me. In many ways, we have to step outside the box of conventional approaches in order to address things that happened to us early in life, which lo and behold were anything but conventional, too, to put it very mildly. It has often appeared to me as if we were all shipwrecked souls, trying to keep our noses above water in the open sea, hoping to at least get a glimmer of a deserted island somewhere on the horizon while at the same time hoping for that rescue mission to come find us…., as we keep taking bold strokes of swimming, all the time doing our best to remain oblivious to the perils of the ocean, the large body of water underneath us and the beasts and creatues maybe luring there just waiting for us to swim by so they may snap at us or even devour us.

Is this a cheap analogy? You tell me. But to me, navigating this uncharted territory of remembering, retrieving and ultimately hopefully releasing has always felt like a vast ocean underneath my belly and me simply trying to stay afloat and not go under, trying hard to keep the insane amounts of anxiety at bay. And as I see the similarities in Tom’s journey – and in the many more who have subscribed here and have been leaving comments or kind words, who shared some of their more personal affairs – it is beginning to dawn on me, what I am doing here, what we are doing, each on their own and yet somehow collectively by having found this platform and these means of sharing:

We’re trying to find our way back home.

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