First off, a major trigger warning: Read at your own discretion and best judgement. Learning of Mrs. Badger’s tragedy and post-trauma grieving process along with creating a new life for herself is almost guaranteed to get you in touch with those exact same sore spots you’re so desperately trying to heal. On the other hand …. I am beginning to find it inspiring how other people who have gone through extreme life- and identity changing experiences find ways of grieving and dealing with major, major loss (and when I say “major”, I am not only referring to the obvious of losing five dear and loved ones in her case, but also the loss of experiences that would have manifested had all this not happened. All of “us”, who have experienced traumatic life events in one or the other way know the nature of that other loss: The loss of possibilities and meaningful experiences, which are unlikely to manifest in the ways they otherwise would have. It’s like saying farewell to someone you never knew, but where you still have this remote inkling about knowing them from somewhere or knowing a person similar to them. It’s some kind of deja-vue in reverse or something like that…).
Well, without further ado, here’s the story (found on the wall of a Facebook friend). Oh, P.S.: I think, what speaks to me here is her fierce resolve to hang on to a position of not allowing herself to feel sorry for herself. Without meaning to sound immodest, I think that’s exactly how I have been living my life for the most part, except for a period of probably having allowed myself actual self pity some time between 2009 and 2011 or so in hopes of finding compassion with myself and thus also developping the capability of feeling compassion with others as my previous intuitive coping mechanisms probably forced me to wall myself off from that quality in myself in order not to completely break and fall apart.. As such, some self-pity may have been necessary to develop healthy vulnerability and may have served as a (required?) stepping stone – or so I would like to think anyway …. 🙂 But eventually, I found that self-pity is not really a “productive” feeling and in addition to that expressing that questionable emotion makes it even less likely to find even the most minuscule measure of compassion in non-affected peers. On the contrary: It increases chances of being met with resilience or even anger, contempt, aggression. Those responses seem to tie back into some very primordial ways of coping with sickness in others – by singling them out from the lot.
It’s a fine line to walk between self-pity and actual and real and valid grief and I’d assume it takes a second person like e.g. a therapist or so to manage walking that fine line with a certain measure of grace and without stumbling – until you have learnt to distinguish those two emotions and how to encounter and deal with them). OK now, here goes: