How To Traumatize Your Children… with Skill

Oh?!!! There was a book on it? That explains… πŸ˜›

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12 thoughts on “How To Traumatize Your Children… with Skill

    • SORRY!!! I thought i was leaving just the URL. apology and please forgive me…I don’t know how to make the embedded youtube clips go away!
      (where is my bag o’ tricks when i need it??!!)

      Sincerely
      h&f

      • hey dude, hope you are okay.! i’m in my tent. YAY. made me think of you.

        shout out if you need something, please. i had a few lifelines tossed my way recently and will do all i can to pass those on. my brain lies convincingly sometimes. :-). i needed immunity. i got some from a couple strangers on the net. i think it’s an old fashioned concoction. way back, they called it acceptance and love… listening, hearing, caring…

        the classics never go out of style. πŸ™‚
        be well. peace. (((hugs)))

    • I agree…Definitely time. So glad to see that you replied…i am serious about giving a shout out if you need help…i still have those lifelines that others share with me…i believe we can all help each other..with words AND actions…today, i am ‘sane’ and not ill in any way…but i depend on others to help me remember that.

      my partner (dh) and i both are now altered….

      i guess the “body snatchers” finally came back and returned us to OUR reality. ❀

      it's funny. we have very different beliefs and practices about. "great spirit" yet somehow we have serendipity and love that is not conditional. i'd say that's a miracle. over 40 years…

      now…this.
      a new world to start living.

      so. when i write that your responses to my comments and posts were lifelines to me…to this sanity…i could see you so clearly (not YOU, but…)
      i could see a person of sincerity, integrity, courage, tolerance, brilliance, kindness, compassion (in no particular order) — and know that i wasn't seeing an' illusion. i was seeing aspects of a real, living, wonderful human being —whom some others in their blind illusions of normalcy, apparently, can at times barely even glimpse

      thanks. also, dh says hello and "god" bless you πŸ™‚

      h&f

      • Wow, Ruby – I’m almost shivering now to see the significance of what I considered to be small acts. Hm. We never (really) know what consequences our actions produce, don’t we? Kind of scary to think about it. But more importantly: Thank you for sharing this with me and I wish you lots and lots of happiness and sanity and great moments in this new episode of your life! We’re all still around to celebrate this mysterious ride – that’s gotta count for something, doesn’t it? πŸ™‚ ❀

  1. It’s like…

    When I was a kid, we had a silly plastic toy camel with baskets in which the players took turns filling one straw at a time—until one last “straw” (pixie/pic-up stix) made it all tumble down.

    I guess the game was supposed to teach the concept of the “last straw” or “the hundredth monkey,…or….(I like your version the best)—

    “We never (really) know what consequences our actions produce…”

    DH has been involved with a men’s spirituality group for about 3 years. He shares a trauma history that is similar to mine. I’ve been working through all my own crap writing my blog for the last 3 years. So we were both ready for that final turn of the key in the lock…ready for that prison cell door to swing open. Wide. It did.

    It all came together beautifully for us—and yes, your actions did play a pivotal role in our mutual transformations. You helped to validate what DH sees and loves about me. It felt really nice for him to see that another person could also recognize me as valuable and intact. We see each other that way now too.

    Please don’t hesitate to holler if you need anything…

    (((hugs)))
    h&f

    • Thank you, Ruby! As for myself, I don’t think the cell door has swung open. I tried and it didn’t sit well with me. I’m afraid, I have been too far gone for way too long in order to be able to “come back to the living”. It’s all too scary and too unnerving, too, frankly. I guess, I’ll stay in that bubble I’ve created for myself.

  2. And a very lovely bubble it is, dear sir! πŸ™‚

    Well, in fact, yours is one extraordinary bubble!—for starters, it’s a bubble that somehow scatters little bubbles of your essence—even within reach of “strangers” on another continent!

    (through the invisible matrix that is You + human communication ? ). Hey. Not bad. Not bad at all! πŸ™‚

    Didn’t mean to sound mystical earlier…or vague…I hope it’s okay to converse a bit more here in regards to what I mean by experiencing more “freedom” and peace of mind…

    No doubt another word for bubble is “cell”—often as in prison cell but also as in a cell of The Resistance (resistance to, say, all forces of inhumanity/domination/bullshit.)

    And sometimes my/our bubble is a Sanctuary. (Also not a bad thing) I guess the bubble shared between dh and me is a two-fer-one (Co-Sanctuary arrangement.) πŸ™‚

    It’s still a kind of bubble, though–albeit more habitable than our “previous” bubble…hence, our perceived experience of “stepping into freedom”…Seems that “bubble” also works as a metaphor for “communication paradigm”. Anyway. From one bubble to another…if you ever lose hope…if you ever need more than words…please remember your’re not alone…please ask…

    ..I’m not imagining the kindnesses you have shared. I’m not just fantasizing that you have taken the time many times to reach out with your spirit of hope and your attitude of respect, I’m not making up the value to me of what you shared freely about your lived experiences, your struggles, beliefs and hopes—what you have shared bravely, generously, without any expectation of return payment. I am not imagining the gifts i observe that you are able to share with people. (Multi-lingual too!)

    Maybe my bubble is utopian…but…I refuse to believe that Love has truly become so horribly scarce in this world. I refuse to believe we are all cyborgs now, that it is already too late for common human decency and respect to manifest in our relations with each other. I refuse to believe that there are now mostly people left who demand social conformity and subordination (mental/emotional bondage) as payment for—or proof of—their own and/or another’s worth (worthiness to exist).

    That is not the world I live in…i.e.—to me, that’s not “reality.” That kind of Dystopian nightmare is not “normal” or “natural”—no matter how much we’re supposed to accept that domination/trauma/violence/symbolic violence and mass insanity are just how things are—just part of human nature, or just the inevitable human condition to which we must all “adapt”—or to which we must submit our minds/brains for “correction” or for “treatment”—

    to which we must adapt or turn ourselves in for “mental health care” which promises to “help us” keep trying to adapt.—or to supposedly “recover” from our own mental pathology. And worse than that—we feel even more abandoned and deprived when the so called help or “treatment” seems to be withheld from us—dangled out of our reach as if it is something with real value that we’re missing out on.

    So—by the rules of that worldview or paradigm,…anyone who can’t hack it is automatically “sick” or “maladapted” or “disordered” and in need of “psychological help”—

    i.e. “individual pathology” is always measured in proportion to
    —one’s ability/willingness to find creative ways to coerce their own body into adapting to domination 24/7, decade after decade…
    and/or
    —ones ability/willingness to “adapt” by strategically using our own and other people’s lives like fetishized commodities for our own survival—

    Ugh. What kind of wold(view) demands your legal confession of personal pathology—your admission of “sinfulness” or “sickness” or “fractured self identity” or your so-called “mental disorder”—-just for the so-called privilege of being left alive to exist in solitary confinement (under guards, of course, with sketchy protection from the other “disordered” inmates).?

    Or–what kind of world(view) requires your confession of Personal Contact with Satan (i.e. it demands that you recount/confess—again and again, as part of your “health care treatment”— the most horrifying moments/details of your life suffering–as if to magically transform/exchange those mental “negative images” into real-life “positive experiences”—replace those old, ineffective, improperly-processed memories with… more efficient thoughts…(aka thoughts leading to so-called self-control…autonomy…executive function…)

    .”Treatment” is the fetishized commodity/”service” to which the “experts” demand we submit our minds—for official inspection and professional approval for “mental health improvement plans.” Thus, we must present for inspection our “identification” papers (i.e. our “hidden” thoughts, self-identity, fears, motives, feelings, etc–in short, our very minds) as if by offering up these personal mental representations (thoughts/feelings/memories)—these, our shreds of our flesh and blood like holy sacrament—we can finally earn our redemption. Our passageway to the Good life.

    We can supposedly redeem “these sins of our suffering”—as if experts can, in exchange, magically give us back our “legitimate authenticity”—closer to our “imagined/real selves”. …because we sure as hell better have a very juicy explanation/self-narrative to entertain the authority (like playing the role of court jester)—or our narratives better have enough tragic/horrific details to justify/prove that we are deserving of Mercy (aka deserving of “accommodations” aka deserving of the means to live)—otherwise, we should not expect to be excused or allowed to exist simply on account of Petty-Human-Imperfection-related reasons.

    This…ritualistic confessing to “experts” comes at a huge cost (social/financial), of course—much like paying for a future seat in Heaven back in the middle ages.—with scare promise for “salvation”—but what else (apparently) is there? For this “treatment”(which I am supposedly deprived of) is considered “health care”…It will supposedly relieve me of “my inner demons” or reduce “my mental illness symptoms inside me”—cleanse me of my witch-like pathology or my “Improperly Processed Memory/Thoughts” stored inside my poor “Dys-regulated” Brain/Nervous System—

    LOL, supposedly, THOSE threatening-thought-things “inside me” are CAUSING my suffering and are the SOURCE of my feelings of abandonment and oppression now. (pretty disgusting semantic trick)

    supposedly “my own mental illness” is the true threat that’s sucking the life force out of me…somehow, it’s like (supposedly) there’s an evil spirit (aka mental illness) inside me—which is (supposedly) keeping me from becoming “freer” –keeping me from being like the other free cyborgs…keeping me from having the life I supposedly could have had—if only I had morphed into an action figure instead of remaining an actual (weak, worth-less) human being…

    This whole scenario is so much a duplicate of the Exciting CIRCUS with magic tricks and snacks—or the family vacation at Disneyland—indeed, it is a MIRROR of the imaginary rewards that my perps used to enjoy torturing me with—insisting these magnificent rewards could have been all mine—if only… yep, if only there wasn’t something wrong with/inside me…(translation: wrong = human).

    It’s the exact same kind of bullshit as those lies about imaginary rewards—a scam, a con job—recycled on a cultural rather than familial level, but nevertheless still quite identifiable as bullshit….

    Thus..I can finally write these words–(and, I pray, keep meaning them) —

    I am grateful that my membership application for “apparently normal” was rejected. πŸ™‚
    I’m in beautiful company.

    • It took me a while to come back to this thread, because the truth is that I’m more or less constantly overwhelmed with the battle that my life apparently is. Another reason is that from mere despair and exhaustion I’m indeed gravitating towards petrifying whatever emotional tissue is intact and turning myself into that zombie you so eloquently describe above as well as going back to being in denial of my past and the outcomes it produced (this has worked almost well in terms of being functional, barring certain situations, when it didn’t work, i.e. all situations that bring about a level of intimacy of one or the other kind). B.t.w.: I think, you hit the entire skewed societal perception towards “mental” illness – a term I firmly reject! – on the proverbial head! I don’t think, anyone could have said it any more eloquently and acurately than you did! Wow! I concur: At the end of the day, all it boils down to lack of compassion in today’s societies. If and when a person’s value is being reduced to their level of productive, exploitable output, then we’re sure missing everything about the human condition and all the qualities that should make us. I think, you had it all right about the ruling societal prerogative. And of course, in order to uphold that prerogative, one must almost villify the victims instead of the perps. Sadly, this happens all the time and everywhere, not only for survivors of trauma, but pretty much everyone who isn’t willing or able to make themselves into a robot, a “human resource” as it’s cynically called in corporate speak.

      On the brighter side of things, I’m honored to read that my replies and communication had these positive effects on your own and your partner’s journey (*wink* in dh’s direction! πŸ˜‰ ) And I’m almost shocked over your mention of the qualities you see in me. I say “shocked” because – I instantly realized that you touched the core angle of my own struggle, which is and always has been about being seen! (and this is for very specific, very well documented reasons, where my largely unaware “child self” must have derived that being seen by attachment figures secured my physical survival. B.t.w., I take “child self” for yet another enigma that’s waiting to be untangled and disclosed und uncovered by bold researchers not abiding by the ruling neuro-scientific mainstream, which concludes an I-dentity never forms until around age 4 or so. (I’d have to check in order to be all sure on the age mark, but I think, it was something along those lines…). I believe they have it wrong in that regard, as well. There is a part of us that records everything from the get-go. Or how else can victims of child abuse even develop “symptoms” of anxiety, if there wasn’t a part in them that rememberes the perpetration? Yet, they keep insisting that actual memory isn’t supported until above mentioned age.

      Well… myself, I’m in limbo. I so desperately need to leave that bubble – but at a rate and in steps that aren’t too daunting just yet. I’m entertaining thoughts of simply returning to the “self-supporting” chaingang of becoming a paid zombie – seriously. In hindsight, every other episode of my life seems to have felt better than this current one. Humans are social “animals”. While I can’t rate the opportunity of connecting with like minds from all corners of the world via means of communication like this one high enough, at the same time I am now forced to realize that it can’t make up for actual face-to-face, see, hear, touch, smell interaction, if …. that interaction meets at least some basic human needs like …. being seen for whom we are, amongst others. Right?

      And so I stubbornly trudge on and keep fighting and struggling in trying to find ways of making a place for myself in the world, ideally one that caters to my real needs as well instead of just exploiting myself 100% in order to meet others’ needs – if any of that made any sense… πŸ™‚

      Glad to hear that you can both move forward while benefitting from that co-created safety zone of yours, which you can retreat to in case of need and …. find that it is now indeed no longer empty, but that someone is waiting there for you. That’s major! ❀

  3. Sound like you are hunkering down. Laying low. That’s good. Not to be rude, but my cat who was traumatized as a kitten and almost lost her life–and was transformed–has taught me about the wisdom of taking the time to lay low. She used to play fetch as a kitten. Loved for me to throw crunched up paper balls (from New Yorker subscription card inserts) so she could chase after, play with, retrieve and return them to my empty shoe on the floor beside me. It was great fun. For both of us.

    Now she is a cat.

    She spent a lot of years living and struggling her way back to her catness, to her own essence. She isn’t broken. She’s who she is with a lifetime of her catness wisdom. She is at peace. She doesn’t hide. But she doesn’t start fights with other cats. She doesn’t have to.

    Now, in this narrative, my interpretation of her life, I happen to see myself. Can’t expect anyone else to make that identification…they don’t have my history with Claudia. (Named for the little vampire child in “Interview…” — which my own child was reading when she brought little Claudia home to us.)

    Anyway. I am finding that I was forced to “go blind” in many ways, to survive, and now it’s more important to let go of blinders as they become apparent. There is power behind the blinders, I am finding. For me, I need trusted others to witness. It is easy to mistake control with power. Without others, there is only, ultimately, reliance on self control—and that to me is a myth. I would have to be a programmed robot to have “self” control. Either that—or “god.” However, I’m neither of those.

    So. Not sure what I am—but at least I can now “eliminate” what I’m not. (Including, as you noted, mentally ill.)
    πŸ™‚

    Thanks for listening. (((hugs))) Take care. I hope you can meet daily needs on your own—please leave a message if ever you are struggling without hope. We aren’t alone, but it’s so hard to find others. We’re here. I’m here. You’re here.

    Can’t speak for tomorrow. Of course. Right now we’re alive and with emotional connections intact. When we can no longer “suffer” or feel—then we need to consider ourselves disordered. That’s where I am at today. Peace. And all good stuff. πŸ™‚

    • Thanks for the hug and words of kindness, Ruby. Yes, I feel like a need break again. I’ve treated myself to a little project as a test and the results are in πŸ™‚ (I have taken on too much at once for now).

      I so concur: “When we can no longer β€œsuffer” or feelβ€”then we need to consider ourselves disordered.” Exactly! Thanks for the reminder and thanks for sharing your story about your cat! (I love the term “catness” πŸ˜‰ ) ❀

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