Strong trigger warning, but definitely worth checking out:
This is simply awesome! I can sooo relate to everything Rachel shares with us in this podcast, every little single thing! (especially the IBS, she mentions – it took me a while to identify is as a more or less natural and normal outcome/response to perceived lethal threats and a response that most anyone would have in situations that feel life-threatening).
I commend her on being so vocal about the condition and coming on to the show. Much like her, my diagnosis came very late in life – actually just about a year ago, when I was 48. I have been suffering from symptoms of PTSD from as early as two weeks into my life and on top of it, my symptoms were often met with violence from my former caretakers, when anxiety and panic attacks had me uncoordinated, “spaced out” or freezing with anxiety. Ironically, though, I was a top performer at school as education must have been a strong motivator even in my young years. I actively remember always looking forward to Monday mornings, when I’d get to leave the dreadful weekends with family behind and get out of a home that never felt much like one. (there wasn’t any crass violence in terms of getting beaten up to the point, where others would have noticed the outbursts from my mother or the tantrums my grandfather threw; but it was emotional, verbal and some physical violence, nonetheless).
*sigh* – I just wish I still had some savings left to use on a session with psilocybin or MDMA… but the condition had me disabled in 2008 and my savings quickly evaporated from needing to pay bills, cover some treatment myself and simply keeping a modest infrastructure afloat. Also, I’m at apoint where my condition won’t allow to resume regular work – or gain anything from it to begin with as the “welfare” system in my country is made in such a way that I not only have to pay them back whatever extra I make… I need to pay them back twice as the budgets I depend on come from different departments of the system, however not in a cumulative way. That is to say, welfare plus a meager pension are not being paid in addition to each other, but factored in against each other. However, when you get into a position of making extra money, they both want their money back – cumulative, not factored in against any of these! Spell u.n.f.a.i.r. for me – in a big way! It feels like getting punished for ever wanting to be better again…
So… I still haven’t found a good way out of a conundrum to end all conundrums… Anyway, treat yourself to the video. It is inspiring!