JEFF BROWN – Soulshaping Excerpt

JEFF BROWN – Some of us cannot preserve our dignity and well-being….

Some of us cannot preserve our dignity and well-being if we remain connected to one or both of our parents. This is not to say that we don’t do our best to heal and preserve those relationships, but sometimes it is simply not possible and it is not healthy to continue. Unfortunately, many who have made the brave, necessary decision to disconnect are met with a shaming, shunning response from others. It is one of the most destructive and imprisoning guilt trips of all time “But she’s your mother”, “But he’s your father”, “They did their best”, “You owe them your life” etc. This has to stop. You can be sure that if someone is considering disconnecting from members of their family of origin, there must be very legitimate reasons for doing so. Even if they did their best, that doesn’t mean we have to stay in contact with them. Some wounds cut too deep. Some bridges have been permanently burnt. Some people do not change. Let’s get this straight- you are not a bad person if you choose to say good bye to abusive family members. You have every right to preserve your emotional integrity.

I couldn’t possibly agree more. After 50 years of trying to get through, to communicate, to find an entry point for healing to occurr, and after having been met with neglect and disregard on this behalf over and over again – I think, I can finally give myself permission to give up and let go…

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2 thoughts on “JEFF BROWN – Soulshaping Excerpt

  1. This is particularly relevant now, just before Mothers’ Day. I’m seeing so much stuff on social media that unintentionally shames people who don’t have a relationship with their mothers.

    I only found sanity when I got away from my family. I haven’t talked to my father since I got away from him eight and a half years ago. For the past four years, I’ve had almost no contact with my mother. In the past few months, I’ve had very limited contact with her. I don’t give her any details about my life because I know she will find some way to use them against me later. I’m much, much saner this way. Being in contact with my family just sets me up for more abuse.

    • Totally feel you on that one, Hope. For all the reasons you state I now need to make the final cut with them. I’ve really tried everything in a human being’s power to avoid this as the final outcome – but they sabotaged every single approach I could ever think of and put into action. This is me burning bridges – in order to save whatever parts of me may have stayed at least semi-sane…

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