In recent years, I once again did my best to open up to spiritual concepts and the latter in a desperate, almost pathetic to watch attempt to find some peace of mind and heart, to find healing from experiences noone should have to go through, much less so at the very beginning of their lives.
As I find “self efficacy” – as in: Help yourself, so help you “God” – to be one of the better working concepts, I assumed that leaning towards ideas that go “beyond” our human nature might offer me some options apt to further a process of healing. However, after watching a series of videos proclaiming blatant hogwash last night (bashar.org), I’m afraid I have to call this period over and done with and dismiss the entire idea of anything being “spiritual” about this species as yet another form of brainwash designed to keep us from claiming what we need. We are mammals. We are defined by our basic needs. Those basic needs never change, from first to last breath, they are non-negotiable. Everything we think, do and experience follows a drive to satisfy those needs including the need for love (from people b.t.w., not something intangible and impersonal, not a “super”natural entity or … concept). From plenty of personal experience and a LOT of personal research over the past few years I can’t help but arrive at the conclusion that we as a species are governed by instinct first. And there certainly are events, encounters and experiences that are NOT of our choosing. There will be those claiming that we choose our “destiny”. Alright. And at the same time there is supposed to be “free will”? Which is it now? Free will or destiny? For the two are mutually exclusive, you know. Because you can’t be DESTINED for certain experiences and at the same time CHOOSE them – see my point? In this case, it can only be one OR the other, not both at the same time.
I guess, I will just have to accept that my life started out on a very wrong foot and then continued along the lines of added insult to injury – at least, I’m not alone with that. Along with that first finding, I’ll better prepare myself to the understanding that the emotional rollercoaster will continue and that I’ll never totally feel “at home” or safe or comfortable for as long as I live. I will be well advised to focus on what’s good in my life now harder than I have before. Some days I manage, other I don’t. I’m not balanced or stable. And I’ll never fully be. I can be functional. That’s as good as it gets. And those dealing with me are gonna have to settle for that. Or not. The latter is where I’m standing now. They don’t.
P.S. I base this conclusion on Dr. Stephen Porges’ works on the Polyvagal Theory.
P.P.S: There is probably going to be another, more positive post about Dr. Porges amazing, AMAZING work, in particular about the listening project and how I think, everyone can establish this form of treatment for themselves affordably and without too much effort. The latter part I’m inclined and interested in investigating more thoroughly, especially the question of which frequencies to amplify in order to establish mimicked prosody in human voice and the healing aspects coming from that. Oh my!!! Wow!