A Sudden Moment of Clarity

I feel as if I had been wandering in an all engulfing fog and mist around me and mud under me for the past six years, trying to find direction, landmarks, a guiding post of some kind while searching for the path and some light which would eventually lead me out of this maze. And somehow, some way, that moment of clarity, of seeing something through all the muck seems to have peeked through last night. I guess, it’s in part sparked by watching the BB King “Life of Riley” documentary two nights ago, which reminded me of the fact that I had been doing so much better some 25 years ago, when I went with my heart and where my passion took me. Life felt worthwhile and exciting and I felt authentic and in line with my true self. (or higher self as spiritual people would call it). Another contributing aspect may have been two separate conversations going on with some trusted individuals, who inspired me with their own journeys. Bringing all those things together and feeling the effect they have on me, I guess this is how this sudden clarity came about. And the clarity is to this effect that… I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

Not exactly modest a goal to aspire as those artists are the top of the crop in a manner of speaking and in the respective genre they’re working in as well as in high demand for collaborations and musical projects of all kinds. I have not too clear an idea as to where I stand in comparison or wether I have enough talent to get there. It’s kind of an overbearing thought process on my part to begin with. I’d tentatively say I have enough perseverance to at least go about trying, even now, very much later in life, which is… completely, utterly crazy to put it mildly and defies any notion of such a thing as reason. But then – what was reason to begin with and how much of it do see you at work in the world…? None Very little, exactly! But all self doubts and also attempts of assessing myself set aside and despite some other, sidelining aspects of the whole thing that get me into another tailspin of fear and inner self rejection – it’s the only thing I can see myself doing without freaking myself out on a daily basis and the only thing worthwhile getting up for. Or maybe do exactly that: Freak myself out, but hopefully in a way that feels better for both me and others. What a mad journey this all is. Must have been all thought up by the Mad Hatter

Harvey Mason – Chuck Loeb – Bob James – Nathan East (FOURPLAY): 3RD DEGREE – YouTube.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s